Every time I see this I can’t help but giggle all over myself.

Not because I think it’s right but because I have a friend who is just like this guy.

He’s a 40 year old Don Juan who travels the world performing top secret government jobs. A redneck James Bond.  In fact, he’s Secret Agent Man’s twin brother. Yes, there are two of them. 

He thinks he’s the bomb.

We think he’s a ding dong.

Farm Chick and I just had our Christmas get together. No children…no testosterone. Only girlie gossip…general complaining/man bashing…and present exchanging.

It was an evening full of laughter…trying to buy a life size burro from the Mexicans…and general good time.

Farm Chick presented me with this box…and I’m thinking she got me a box of fruit. And for all you people out there who don’t know…I hate fruit…HATE IT…ALL OF IT…unless it’s pureed and mixed with lots of liquor.

Anyhoo, I open the box…and tada! It’s a  redneck girl’s Christmas dream!!!!

A festive pitcher with matching glasses to get tanked…a hedge apple to keep the spiders away…and Astroglide for relations with my husband…cause sometimes spit just don’t do the trick!

(To the parents and in-laws…pretend the above sentence does not exist…you know your grandchildren were immaculately conceived.)

(To Rico…thank you for the rockin’ Sigma 10-20mm lense that I took these pics with…I guess sometimes bad girls do get presents from Santa!)

After numerous hair color, tons of money, a great stylist and finally figuring out what I wanted to do with my hair…

to suddenly realize I was not the hottest chick at the holiday party.

Being blond does come with it’s advantages…

(Thanks to my stylist, Merica, for making me blond again and giving me a fabulous cut!!!!)

This is Rico…explaining to me in great detail how to clean up the mess the drywaller’s left in the new office…

and to start painting ASAP.

Next, it’s time to meet up with Farm Chick to help on our project to help revitalize smalltownland…

and fight off vicious snakes captured by the Deer Slayer and Ray-Ray.

As you can see…my social calender is full.

I have a friend. We’ll call her “Hot Momma.”

Recently divorced, she’s only focused on her kids. She has no time for going out or dating…even though she’s had plenty of offers. 

Anyhoo, while taking out the trash today she cut the back of her leg on some glass that was in the trash bag. She came in the office and the doctor decided she needed stitches.

So while my co-worker was cleaning her cut with betadine (you know, that yucky brown stuff that won’t wash off for days), I decided to use the stick of betadine for a little art work…all down the back of her other leg.

I thought it was quite poetic… 4 A GOOD TIME CALL XXX-XXXX.

If a friend can’t help you get a man…what good are they?

I have a friend…and I’m not naming names…but she has this fixation with yellow clothes and shoes.

I mean, everything she picked out on our recent shopping trip was mustard yellow.

I was OK with it until she tried on these shoes…and then I had to do an intervention.

I mean, can I really be friends with someone who would wear these????

These shoes are a deal breaker. Yes, Farm Chick my anonymous friend…I’m talking to you.

I have to give a lot of “shout outs” to my home girls for all the well wishes and help during my recovery.

Ya’ll know, good girlfriends make the world go around…and I’ve been blessed! My small group of girlfriends are the kind that would not only bail you out of jail…but be sitting there with you saying. “Damn that was fun!” They are also handy if any of us ever need to bury a man that’s done us wrong…we all keep our shovels handy for each other.

Farm Chick welcomed me home with a fabulous dinner of her famous lasagna, salad fresh from her garden and a chess pie. And to top it all off, a “Get Well” card that said, “Hope your twat gets better soon.” How can you beat that?

Many calls from my home girl Jackie and others has kept my spirits up and my moral good. All would drop anything to help me out and I can’t thank them enough.

Rico has been the “bestest” nurse…taking over all my mommy duties and even telling me he doesn’t know how I do it all…the best gift of all…being appreciated

The biggest “thank you” to the my doctor…for all the good drugs. They have made my life so wonderful and my attitude so cheery. And for those of you who don’t know me personally, “cheery” is not a word people usually use to describe me.

Maybe I should stay on them all the time…