Men do stupid stuff

Sweet, huh?

Sometimes. Mostly all the time.

Me?  Hardly ever.

But that’s beside the point. Why else would I write a post called “Men do stupid stuff” if I wasn’t a turd?

And since both my kids are turds and have different baby daddies….I have to be the only common factor, eh?

Anyway, I need to get back on track.

Where was I?

Stupid Men Stuff….Oh, yeah.

Several years ago, someone wrote a book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

Duh. Someone give that ding dong a Nobel Peace Prize. I could have told you that AND saved you $19.95.

I think all men do strange, unexplainable nonsense but I think Rico has them all beat…

For instance, this is my husband’s loading bench. It is located in the very old, very unfinished basement of my house.  It’s where he plays with his guns, loads his own bullets, scratches his manly parts and all other kinds of weird, testosterone filled nonsense.

I stay out of here as much as possible.

From afar, nothing looks amiss. 

Don’t be mistaken.

There is a whole bunch of nonsense going on here. Stuff so unexplainable all I can say is, “What the…”

Exhibit 1:

BLACK FINGERNAIL POLISH!!!!!

First and foremost, here is my missing black fingernail polish which I have been looking everywhere. I have accused my oldest daughter of “theft of a beautification product” which in my house is punishable by water boarding.

You don’t mess with Mom’s makeup people.

Notice to the side of the photograph is my four year olds Play Doh. This is an excusable theft as Play Doh is the root of all evil. 

Did you know Saddam had Play Doh in with his WMD’s?

Swears.

CUTE CHRISTMAS WRAPPING SCISSORS!

Is there even any words? At least they weren’t my Breast Cancer Awareness Pink scissors.

Thief.

Weirdo.

NICE CUTLERY!!

This WAS a piece of my nice cutlery. WAS being the operative word.

Who knows what in the hell he was doing with it. When I asked why he had it, he just replied, “I needed it.”

Really?

BIG CANDLE FROM WALMART CIRCA 2002…AND A BONUS

Seriously, I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought that candle fifty ‘leven years ago from the Walmarts. My house must of smelled really bad or I was on a compulsive shopping spree.

The added bonus to this hot mess is the can of 3M Dust Remover beside the candle covered in 10 years worth of dust.

BRILLIANT.

THE ONLY BOWL LEFT IN MY HOUSE THE KIDS HAVEN’T THEIVED TO MAKE MUD PIES AND LEFT IN THE PASTURE

Again, no words…and no bowls in my cupboards.

LIPSTICK…..OH, AND SPIT.

I am not too worried about the Clinique “Simply Gorgeous” because it is simply not in Rico’s color wheel. However, it is in mine and water boarding will have to ensue for this infraction.

Why lipstick?

I get the spit thing…but WHY LIPSTICK???

OUR WEDDING PICTURE???

Really?

Is it to gaze lovingly at a photo of that wonderful day or to laugh mockingly as he picks up my damn lipstick and smears it on some gun part???

7 Comments so far

Comments for the post:
Men do stupid stuff

  1. 1

    John Shuffett said,

    January 20, 2011 at 5:24 am:

    Dejoni, this is high comedy! I dunno why we do the asinine things we do, but it's pretty funny reading about the aftermath.

  2. 2

    hotpants™ said,

    January 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm:

    I would love to have him give an explanation to each of these in no less than 3 sentences for each item. Too funny!

  3. 3

    Tipper said,

    January 23, 2011 at 2:51 pm:

    Good to know I'm not the only one living with coke bottles of spit : )

  4. 4

    Farmchick said,

    January 23, 2011 at 3:32 pm:

    This is rather entertaining! And, quite a collection of “stuff”. At least he has your wedding picture in there with it all. Rather touching, no?! lol

  5. 5

    Deep Kick Girl said,

    January 23, 2011 at 8:53 pm:

    Welcome back! Great post. Good to see all is as it should be in the SFM universe.

  6. 6

    AiredaleGirl said,

    January 25, 2011 at 3:53 pm:

    You know, Dr. AiredaleParent seems to know better than to filch Mom's stuff for his reloading bench, a.k.a. “The Shrine to Manhood”. There's no wedding picture, but he's written “The Valiant Taste of Death But Once” on the cinderblock wall with a Sharpie, has a photo of the decomissioning of the USS Missouri (he served on her), and his NROTC glamour shot complete with dress blues and a pipe. All of his deer trophies are down there too, as Mom will not allow him to display them anywhere above basement level.

  7. 7

    Howie54 said,

    January 27, 2011 at 11:38 pm:

    I'm so glad you're back – hope you are feeling well and things are going good for you now.

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