Sometimes. Mostly all the time.
Me? Hardly ever.
But that’s beside the point. Why else would I write a post called “Men do stupid stuff” if I wasn’t a turd?
And since both my kids are turds and have different baby daddies….I have to be the only common factor, eh?
Anyway, I need to get back on track.
Where was I?
Stupid Men Stuff….Oh, yeah.
Several years ago, someone wrote a book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Duh. Someone give that ding dong a Nobel Peace Prize. I could have told you that AND saved you $19.95.
I think all men do strange, unexplainable nonsense but I think Rico has them all beat…
For instance, this is my husband’s loading bench. It is located in the very old, very unfinished basement of my house. It’s where he plays with his guns, loads his own bullets, scratches his manly parts and all other kinds of weird, testosterone filled nonsense.
I stay out of here as much as possible.
From afar, nothing looks amiss.
Don’t be mistaken.
There is a whole bunch of nonsense going on here. Stuff so unexplainable all I can say is, “What the…”
BLACK FINGERNAIL POLISH!!!!!
First and foremost, here is my missing black fingernail polish which I have been looking everywhere. I have accused my oldest daughter of “theft of a beautification product” which in my house is punishable by water boarding.
You don’t mess with Mom’s makeup people.
Notice to the side of the photograph is my four year olds Play Doh. This is an excusable theft as Play Doh is the root of all evil.
Did you know Saddam had Play Doh in with his WMD’s?
CUTE CHRISTMAS WRAPPING SCISSORS!
Is there even any words? At least they weren’t my Breast Cancer Awareness Pink scissors.
This WAS a piece of my nice cutlery. WAS being the operative word.
Who knows what in the hell he was doing with it. When I asked why he had it, he just replied, “I needed it.”
BIG CANDLE FROM WALMART CIRCA 2002…AND A BONUS
Seriously, I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought that candle fifty ‘leven years ago from the Walmarts. My house must of smelled really bad or I was on a compulsive shopping spree.
The added bonus to this hot mess is the can of 3M Dust Remover beside the candle covered in 10 years worth of dust.
THE ONLY BOWL LEFT IN MY HOUSE THE KIDS HAVEN’T THEIVED TO MAKE MUD PIES AND LEFT IN THE PASTURE
Again, no words…and no bowls in my cupboards.
LIPSTICK…..OH, AND SPIT.
I am not too worried about the Clinique “Simply Gorgeous” because it is simply not in Rico’s color wheel. However, it is in mine and water boarding will have to ensue for this infraction.
I get the spit thing…but WHY LIPSTICK???
OUR WEDDING PICTURE???
Is it to gaze lovingly at a photo of that wonderful day or to laugh mockingly as he picks up my damn lipstick and smears it on some gun part???