Men Do Stupid Stuff Part Deux

Love my husband.

LOVE HIM.

I married him AND I was sober.

Seriously I do but sometimes he drives me nuts.

Ella is now going to preschool in another county where we really don’t know anyone. Which is really no big deal except for the fact that the teachers  don’t know that I am married to a ding dong and that Ella nor I can really help it.

Ella has been bringing Dr. Seuss books home with an accompanying stuffed animal so we can sit down nightly and read a story.

A certain stuffed animal has come up missing at the school and no one can remember who was the last to receive it in their backpack. The teacher emailed all parents with a brief note  that said something to the effect of….

“We are missing a stuffed mongoose from the classroom.

Please check around your house to see if you have it and return to school please.

Thanks!”

Simple enough.

Little did I know when I filled out all those forms the first day of school they would actually email him instead of me….but they did.

And this was his reply…

“Ella brought home a live opossum. We haven’t returned him yet as he is not house broken.

Thanks.

Rico.”

Swears.

We haven’t had a reply from the school.

Guess who has to pick her up every day?

I am so embarrassed.

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Mamma Mia…Let’s make Pizza

Homemade pizza can be daunting. The dough. The sauce. The time.

I have come up with the perfect pizza recipe. Everyone loves it. My mother in law even ask me to make it!

It is time consuming but it’s not difficult. The results are so worth the effort. I do recommend first making this on a day that you have most of the afternoon. After that you can swing right thru this recipe in no time.

Here’s what you’ll need

Dough:

1 cup warm water (warm enough to activate the yeast but not hot enough to kill it)

1/4 tsp sugar

1 package rapid rise yeast

2 3/4 cup of all purpose flour (may need up to a 1/2 cup more for dusting) 

1 tsp salt

1 1/2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil

Sauce:

28 oz. whole tomatoes or in season, 2 lb. peeled plum Italian tomatoes

2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil

3/4 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp salt

1/8 tsp ground black pepper

Toppings:

Here is where you can branch out all your own. Most times I will do your standard “supreme” type pizza with mozzarella and parmesean cause that’s what my brood likes. Other times I will branch out and use steak, fresh basil and mozzarella. The kids often get a cheese pizza all their own. Top it with whatever makes your dress fly up.

For todays pizza I am using:

1 red pepper

1 sweet onion

baby portabella mushrooms

pepperoni

Italian sausage

fresh mozzarella cheese

parmesan cheese

dried Italian seasoning

 

First order of business is to turn on some music. Cooking with music is always a good time. For even more fun, open a bottle of wine.

Next, let’s start the dough. We need to proof the yeast.

Let’s get a nice warm cup of water…not to hot, not too cold. If it’s too hot for your hand, turn it down a little.

Add your package of yeast and the 1/4 tsp sugar. Stir to mix and set your kitchen timer for 10 minutes. It will look like this when you start.

Walk away.

Go to your stand mixer, with your dough hook attached (or get a big bowl and get your hands ready) and add your flour and salt.

After 10 minutes, let’s check our yeast mixture. It should be nice and foamy like this.

If not, throw it out and start over. It could be a number of things…you got a bad batch of yeast…your water was too cold or too hot…doesn’t matter. Try again.

If it is all nice and yeasty, pour it in your flour mixture along with the olive oil and let the magic begin.  Mix the dough until it all comes together and attaches to the hook and is smooth. This will only take a second. Don’t over mix.

 Remove from bowl onto floured surface and knead four or five times.

Place in a large bowl and pour some olive oil on top. Roll the dough around to make sure it’s covered.

You need to place it somewhere to rise, somewhere draft free and warm. I place mine in the microwave. Some people use the oven or just set on a  countertop. For me, the microwave has worked out the best.

Let it rise until doubled in size, about 40 minutes. Punch the dough down, knead again a couple of times and place back to rise again for about 30 minutes or until your ready to bake your pie.

Sauce Time!

First decide if you want a thicker or a thinner sauce. I prefer a thicker sauce so I drain my tomatoes. If you like it thinner, leave the tomatoes undrained. In a stock pot or dutch oven, heat your olive oil on medium heat. Once warm, add your tomatoes one at a time while crushing them in your hand to break them up.

 Be prepared to have tomato juice squirt you in the eye or on your shirt. 

Next comes the salt, pepper and oregano. Smells so yummy!

Turn heat down to low and simmer at least 40 minutes…the longer the better.

Half way thru I will take an old fashioned potato masher and break up some of the tomatoes to thicken the sauce.

Let’s start preparing our ingredients.

First I am going to brown the Italian sausage. Love it. Once it’s brown I will start eating it right out of the pan.

Slice some peppers and onions.

Break out the baby portobellos. Heaven.

Once the sausage is done, remove the meat and some of the grease….but leave a little to saute the veggies.

So naughty….so unhealthy…so GOOD!

Cook the peppers and onions first until the onions start to caramelize. Add mushrooms towards the end so they don’t overcook.

Now it’s time to put it all together!!

Preheat your oven to 500 degrees.

I cook my pizza on stoneware, specifically, The Pampered Chef Stoneware Bar Pan.

I love this stoneware. I love it so much, I have 3 of them and I also give them to my friends for Christmas. LOVE IT!

You can use any type of stoneware, baking pan or pizza pan of your choice. It’s no biggie.

Rico couldn’t resist throwing some dough.

Place it in your pan and add some sauce. Ad some parmesan cheese to make it even more sinful!

Next we’ll add our pepperoni, the pepper, onion and mushroom mix, sausage and top it off with our freshly grated mozzarella.

Add a little dried Italian seasoning on top of the mozzarella and grate some more parmesan just because you can.

It’s a free country people. Grate as much cheese as you want!!!

Holy Ritz Cracker.

You can not believe how good this is gonna be in only 10 minutes!!!

Enjoy!

6 Comments so far

Your Weekly Friday Funny

Do you know how long I have been looking for one of these so I can do this picture all my own?????

It’s on my bucket list.

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Men do stupid stuff

Sweet, huh?

Sometimes. Mostly all the time.

Me?  Hardly ever.

But that’s beside the point. Why else would I write a post called “Men do stupid stuff” if I wasn’t a turd?

And since both my kids are turds and have different baby daddies….I have to be the only common factor, eh?

Anyway, I need to get back on track.

Where was I?

Stupid Men Stuff….Oh, yeah.

Several years ago, someone wrote a book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

Duh. Someone give that ding dong a Nobel Peace Prize. I could have told you that AND saved you $19.95.

I think all men do strange, unexplainable nonsense but I think Rico has them all beat…

For instance, this is my husband’s loading bench. It is located in the very old, very unfinished basement of my house.  It’s where he plays with his guns, loads his own bullets, scratches his manly parts and all other kinds of weird, testosterone filled nonsense.

I stay out of here as much as possible.

From afar, nothing looks amiss. 

Don’t be mistaken.

There is a whole bunch of nonsense going on here. Stuff so unexplainable all I can say is, “What the…”

Exhibit 1:

BLACK FINGERNAIL POLISH!!!!!

First and foremost, here is my missing black fingernail polish which I have been looking everywhere. I have accused my oldest daughter of “theft of a beautification product” which in my house is punishable by water boarding.

You don’t mess with Mom’s makeup people.

Notice to the side of the photograph is my four year olds Play Doh. This is an excusable theft as Play Doh is the root of all evil. 

Did you know Saddam had Play Doh in with his WMD’s?

Swears.

CUTE CHRISTMAS WRAPPING SCISSORS!

Is there even any words? At least they weren’t my Breast Cancer Awareness Pink scissors.

Thief.

Weirdo.

NICE CUTLERY!!

This WAS a piece of my nice cutlery. WAS being the operative word.

Who knows what in the hell he was doing with it. When I asked why he had it, he just replied, “I needed it.”

Really?

BIG CANDLE FROM WALMART CIRCA 2002…AND A BONUS

Seriously, I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought that candle fifty ‘leven years ago from the Walmarts. My house must of smelled really bad or I was on a compulsive shopping spree.

The added bonus to this hot mess is the can of 3M Dust Remover beside the candle covered in 10 years worth of dust.

BRILLIANT.

THE ONLY BOWL LEFT IN MY HOUSE THE KIDS HAVEN’T THEIVED TO MAKE MUD PIES AND LEFT IN THE PASTURE

Again, no words…and no bowls in my cupboards.

LIPSTICK…..OH, AND SPIT.

I am not too worried about the Clinique “Simply Gorgeous” because it is simply not in Rico’s color wheel. However, it is in mine and water boarding will have to ensue for this infraction.

Why lipstick?

I get the spit thing…but WHY LIPSTICK???

OUR WEDDING PICTURE???

Really?

Is it to gaze lovingly at a photo of that wonderful day or to laugh mockingly as he picks up my damn lipstick and smears it on some gun part???

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