I have to confess that I have very little patience, especially for time wasted.
I have things to do. People to see. Kids to beat. Dinner to whip up. Laundry to wash.
People, do not be wasting my time.
This past weekend, Rico and I were going out to celebrate our anniversary. He had called and made overnight arrangements for Ella and since Rachel was gone for the evening, that meant we were actually going to have a whole evening out. A night to include an adult beverages, no cutting anyone’s meat, the wearing of a push-up bra and lots of stripper smelling lotion from Victoria Secret. I even threw in a pair of heels for good luck.
Someone was getting lucky tonight.
Before we could leave on our rendezvous, we had to make a trip to a large home improvement store to purchase blinds.
Sounds easy enough? But NO.
You see, Saturday was rumored to be the last nice day of the season and apparently a lot of said home improvement store employees called in, ehhhmmm, “sick” Saturday thus creating an overload of work for the remaining few employees that actually showed.
It was like Senior Skip Day in high school…but like with sick days and retirement.
Anyway, I needed blinds. Custom cut blinds. And since I was raised Southern and polite and all that crap, I asked for help and waited. Smiling sweetly….cause that’s what us southern girls are supposed to do…ladaladaladalada…..yes, ma’am and all that baloney.
I waited….and waited. I politely asked again and waited. I smiled and said things like “thank you” and such. Employees kept walking by, occasionally trying to call for help. After awhile they just started to ignore me.
30 minutes….tick, tock, tick, tock.
I am still smiling sweetly but there is steam coming outta my ears.
Daylight was wasting and I had to come up with a plan.
What to do???
And then it came to me! You know how they have a gazillion security cameras in that place like someones gonna try to put a table saw down their britches, well, I figured if they saw me all sprawled out in the aisle like I was dead or having some kind of convulsion, someone would come see what was wrong with me and get my blinds fixed…PRONTO….because I am either very medically ill or very mentally ill, either way, they would want me gone.
So I did it. I sprawled my sweet southern ass right there in the window treatment aisle of the large home improvement store aisle.
My husband thought I had lost my mind.
After telling me to get my you know what outta the floor, Rico let me know that he didn’t think it was to funny…seems he doesn’t share my sense of humor/intelligence/wittiness/charm/mischievous attitude.
It was still worth making him blush.
Thanks for 5 amazing years, I promise I will embarrass you even more on our 10th.