School has been out again for inclement weather. This year has been loaded with days out of school. I think we are around eleven so far.
Snow Days are God’s funny way of weeding out the weaklings among us mothers. It’s a proven fact that there are more mental health admissions of women with children during inclement weather.
I already have my hospital bed picked out.
During the summer when the kids are home, I can send them outside and lock the door. Every now and then, I will throw them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and they can drink from the water hose.
Certain government agencies get all pissy when you do that in the winter. Something about frostbite, frozen water, child abuse and all kinds of other crap that is really a bunch of hooey. So, to stay out of jail, I keep them in the house.
After a while, I tend to get in the bed, assume the fetal position, cover my head and let the chips fall where they may. It gets to the point I can no longer break up the fights, pick up anymore bologna off the floor or fish toys out of the toilet. I simply raise the white flag and take a mental retreat to my happy place.
This is what I was doing last week when Ella decided to “brush her teeth.” And as I was drifting far away to that wonderful place of nannies and housekeepers and beach villas, I remember briefly asking myself, “What in the world could she hurt in the bathroom?”
After a few minutes I realized the house was very, very quite except for the sound of running water and I got a very sick feeling in my stomach.
I ran to the bathroom and found Ella has not only brushed her teeth but squeezed a whole tube of red toothpaste all over the bathroom…
Notice there is a pitcher and a big kitchen spoon in my bathroom? Apparently Ella thought they were necessary for proper dental hygiene.
Awwwww, children do the darnedest things.
Also note this wet roll of toilet paper. It was the LAST ROLL OF TOILET PAPER IN MY HOUSE.
It’s without saying that I totally lost my shizzola. I mean, I got the vapors and everything.If it wasn’t for divine intervention my youngest would have talked with a stutter for a long, long time.
As I write this post, it is snowing yet again. Mr. Happy Ass Needs to Be Run Over Weatherman says we are getting 4 inches. This means school will be out AGAIN for several days.
Lucky for me, I will be at Our Lady of Peace.
cherylmontgomery said,
February 14, 2010 at 8:25 pm:
you are so sooo funny! You want my two too?
azn8tive said,
February 14, 2010 at 8:26 pm:
Bless your heart! Would you like me to send you a care package?
Our local weather gurus are predicting 2-4 for us overnight tonight. My kids are hoping it's cold enough to make the snow last so they can get a snow day on Tuesday. So far, we have 2 days to make up.
I'm soooo ready for spring!
Dorothy said,
February 14, 2010 at 8:29 pm:
The reason I am laughing out loud all by myself at this computer is:
I remember these days of fond memories so very clearly and am
thankful they are all behind me and it is pay back time for all my kids
and grandkids. Hahahahaha
Farmchick said,
February 14, 2010 at 10:08 pm:
I'll be right there at Our Lady of Peace with ya. We can make jewelry together. You know I am fond of bracelets.
kiki said,
February 15, 2010 at 12:03 am:
i'm in SC and we had our first snowfall of 3 1/2 inches on friday. it has already disappeared. the snowman has melted. i feel horrible for writing this, since so much of the country is suffering from “Snopocalypse ,01″, but i want more snow. buy your girls some plane tix and send them off to relatives and you can go off to a spa with Rico. take care.
AiredaleGirl said,
February 15, 2010 at 5:55 am:
I'd be laughing were it not that not one but TWO, count 'em, TWO of my friends' mothers ended up at Peace back in '78 during the blizzards. Good luck. Daddy might be willing to call something in for you, i.e., Mother's Little Helper (the one with the V punched out in the center). Just call the clinic- Mom just about ties him to a sled and pushes him out the door if it's snowing, because that's too much “togetherness” for her.
deepkickgirl said,
February 15, 2010 at 11:14 am:
God you make me laugh. I think killing your own children is called justifiable homicide, right. Personally I'm surprised more children don't find their night time milk spiked with just a little bit of the old rat poison.
I so know where you're coming from. My advice is move here to sunny Sydney. We don't have snow, so there's never a time they have to stay home from school. Just think about it, that's all I am saying.
Mind you that still leaves plenty of time to drive you insane on weekends and holidays.
Angela said,
February 15, 2010 at 6:53 pm:
OMG girl…I sooo know where you are going with this! I am in TN and we used out last “snow” day last week. I work here at home so not only have I had my Miss Priss here with me but also my DH…..lets just say I am walking a fine these days. Hope all is good! xoxo
racheljustanotherdayinparadise said,
February 15, 2010 at 6:57 pm:
[this commenter would type, but she's in her happy place, praying for no more snow and the dismemberment of all local meteorologists]
Tamara said,
February 16, 2010 at 6:30 am:
I have that pitcher! Although, I've never had the pleasure of finding it in the bathroom with toothpaste in it. I've found other weird crap in there. But not pitchers.
Tamara said,
February 16, 2010 at 6:31 am:
I think she might have been making juice.
That's just me though.
Momisodes said,
February 17, 2010 at 2:37 am:
Please allow me to join you. We having something here called “February break”
It's just a random week off from school in the dead of winter to kill parents. We got a few inches today too.
There is not enough chocolate in the house to get me through the week.
Pissy said,
February 22, 2010 at 12:07 am:
I see it's been awhile since you posted.
Hope you're enjoying your stay at the “spa”.