School has been out again for inclement weather. This year has been loaded with days out of school. I think we are around eleven so far.
Snow Days are God’s funny way of weeding out the weaklings among us mothers. It’s a proven fact that there are more mental health admissions of women with children during inclement weather.
I already have my hospital bed picked out.
During the summer when the kids are home, I can send them outside and lock the door. Every now and then, I will throw them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and they can drink from the water hose.
Certain government agencies get all pissy when you do that in the winter. Something about frostbite, frozen water, child abuse and all kinds of other crap that is really a bunch of hooey. So, to stay out of jail, I keep them in the house.
After a while, I tend to get in the bed, assume the fetal position, cover my head and let the chips fall where they may. It gets to the point I can no longer break up the fights, pick up anymore bologna off the floor or fish toys out of the toilet. I simply raise the white flag and take a mental retreat to my happy place.
This is what I was doing last week when Ella decided to “brush her teeth.” And as I was drifting far away to that wonderful place of nannies and housekeepers and beach villas, I remember briefly asking myself, “What in the world could she hurt in the bathroom?”
After a few minutes I realized the house was very, very quite except for the sound of running water and I got a very sick feeling in my stomach.
I ran to the bathroom and found Ella has not only brushed her teeth but squeezed a whole tube of red toothpaste all over the bathroom…
Notice there is a pitcher and a big kitchen spoon in my bathroom? Apparently Ella thought they were necessary for proper dental hygiene.
Awwwww, children do the darnedest things.
Also note this wet roll of toilet paper. It was the LAST ROLL OF TOILET PAPER IN MY HOUSE.
It’s without saying that I totally lost my shizzola. I mean, I got the vapors and everything.If it wasn’t for divine intervention my youngest would have talked with a stutter for a long, long time.
As I write this post, it is snowing yet again. Mr. Happy Ass Needs to Be Run Over Weatherman says we are getting 4 inches. This means school will be out AGAIN for several days.
Lucky for me, I will be at Our Lady of Peace.
