I lie to my kids.
Like, every other breath.
It’s become a necessary evil to make my life a little easier and because I hate being the bad guy all the time.
Why say “No” when you can come up with a creative excuse?
For instance, my kids ask to go to the Wally World every day in hope that I will buy them more useless crap to clutter my house. Ninety percent of the time I just flat out say no but the other ten percent is what I like to call Creative Solutions for Defusing Mother’s Meltdown in Commerce.
Everyone knows the superstore giant is closed only one day of the year.
However, my children are not aware of this.
Here are some excuses I have told my children as to why Wally World is closed:
1. They’re painting the walls in the toy section.
2. They’re having a mandatory in-service on their failure to open all the cash register lines.
3. It’s Sam Walton’s birthday.
4. They’re closed on all red letter holidays just like the post office.
5. The People of Walmart are taking pictures there today.
6. They’re waxing the floors.
7. Someone drove through the tire/lube department by accident.
8. The bank wasn’t open and they couldn’t get money to make change for customers.
9. One of the birds that flew around the ceiling was found dead so they have to make sure it doesn’t have bird flu.
10. Someone stole all the carts.
So far they’ve believed me because I am their mother and I am not supposed to lie.
(Cough, cough, cough.)
I’m pretty sure they’re gonna have pretty high therapy bills by the time I get them raised.
tattooedmomof3 said,
February 10, 2010 at 4:57 am:
Just wait until they realize Wally World doesn't close. They're gonna be like “Wal-Mart used to close all the time when I was little.” I absolutely LOVE this post. I lie about things too…but not usually about Wally World
Kiki said,
February 10, 2010 at 5:27 am:
Great lies. My son also loves Wally World. He also wants to visit the Dollar Store and Toys R' Us at least once a week. My “big lie” that has been working for years, “They are doing inventory.” It even works when we drive by and he sees lights on and people inside the stores. “Those are employees working hard for you and your toys.” Take care.
deepkickgirl said,
February 10, 2010 at 9:28 am:
Yo! You wouldn't be doing your job if they didn't need therapy when they grow up. Keep up the good work!
Farmchick said,
February 10, 2010 at 2:08 pm:
Shame on you for telling a lie to little Ella. lol
racheljustanotherdayinparadise said,
February 10, 2010 at 8:44 pm:
they might as well have something to talk about in therapy. . .that's my excuse anyway.
Momisodes said,
February 10, 2010 at 9:59 pm:
I love this list. I am totally borrowing your idea for creative excuses.
Becky said,
February 12, 2010 at 3:17 am:
Yeah, I can just hear the excuses they'll tell their kids.
hotpants™ said,
February 12, 2010 at 5:41 pm:
I can't imagine ever wanting to go to Walmart. I only go when Target's closed.
Ali said,
February 13, 2010 at 1:04 am:
Number 9 rules. You are amazing! Made my night!
Sharlene said,
February 15, 2010 at 1:06 am:
Oh I lie to my kids all day long. Mostly for my entertainment. One day they are gonna figure it all out and be PISSED….
Lauren said,
February 18, 2010 at 2:35 am:
OMG, you are my hero! I wish I was that creative when my kids were too young to know better! LOL