I lie to my kids.
Like, every other breath.
It’s become a necessary evil to make my life a little easier and because I hate being the bad guy all the time.
Why say “No” when you can come up with a creative excuse?
For instance, my kids ask to go to the Wally World every day in hope that I will buy them more useless crap to clutter my house. Ninety percent of the time I just flat out say no but the other ten percent is what I like to call Creative Solutions for Defusing Mother’s Meltdown in Commerce.
Everyone knows the superstore giant is closed only one day of the year.
However, my children are not aware of this.
Here are some excuses I have told my children as to why Wally World is closed:
1. They’re painting the walls in the toy section.
2. They’re having a mandatory in-service on their failure to open all the cash register lines.
3. It’s Sam Walton’s birthday.
4. They’re closed on all red letter holidays just like the post office.
5. The People of Walmart are taking pictures there today.
6. They’re waxing the floors.
7. Someone drove through the tire/lube department by accident.
8. The bank wasn’t open and they couldn’t get money to make change for customers.
9. One of the birds that flew around the ceiling was found dead so they have to make sure it doesn’t have bird flu.
10. Someone stole all the carts.
So far they’ve believed me because I am their mother and I am not supposed to lie.
(Cough, cough, cough.)
I’m pretty sure they’re gonna have pretty high therapy bills by the time I get them raised.