So, tomorrow morning Southern Living magazine will be featuring me as their southern blogger of the week and my delusional mind has been working in overdrive thinking of all the fabulous accolades that will be coming my way.
Matt Lauer. Oprah. Katie Couric. Perez Hilton.
Yeah, I know. I have issues.
But even on the home front these delusions persist…
I will be awoken around 11 to breakfast in bed by my beautiful, perfectly coiffed children who will present me with a bouquet of pink lilies. They will kiss me and then each other and say out loud, “We are so lucky to have a mother like you!”
Rachel will put on a bra without being threatened with duct tape.
She will brush her teeth with water AND toothpaste….and be happy about it.
She will not argue with me as to why I won’t let her get on My Space and say all her friends are stupid for being on there.
She will announce that she’s tired of her room being a pig sty and promise it will always be clean.
Ella will have slept all night in her own bed.
She will announce that she is done with bologna….forever.
She will apologize for all the MAC lipstick she has ruined using it to write her name on her chalkboard and vow to never do it again.
Todd will not ask where his shirt, pants, shoes, boxers, socks or belt is located but will be all ready dressed when he serves me breakfast.
He will tell me that it really doesn’t matter how long the laundry stays in the basket but that he’s so grateful it’s clean.
And to top it off, a newly hired house cleaner will arrive and tackle this domestic hell-hole we call home.
I will then read them my acceptance speech with the grace and dramatic effect of Scarlett O’Hara. Nobody will roll their eyes…or hit their sister…or spill something on the floor.
By then, I will have awoken in the psych ward doing the Thorazine shuffle.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to find duct tape for Rachel’s bra.
Lara Chelak said,
January 15, 2010 at 4:35 am:
Hahaha. LOVE this pic, and of course the hilarious post.
Laura Pollard said,
January 15, 2010 at 4:49 am:
You have succeeded again in cracking me up!! I guess all 11 year olds have the same issues because I deal with all of that with Ashleigh (except the bra, she has no need at this point but she WANTS to wear one). Thanks for keeping me amused!!
sa1_ky said,
January 15, 2010 at 10:52 am:
As the old timers used to say “I'll be lookin' for ya, in the funny papers”
You are damn talented!
Becky said,
January 15, 2010 at 2:31 pm:
And I will be in the crowd giving you a standing ovation!!!! BRAVO!! tee hee
Mona said,
January 15, 2010 at 5:35 pm:
You crack me up…pure and simple! Thanks for making a gloomy Friday all happy and stuff!
Linda @ My Trendy Tykes said,
January 15, 2010 at 6:44 pm:
Gosh, I might need some of that duct tape for myself. Me and the BRA….well, we don't see eye to eye or nipple to nipple here lately.
BURN 'EM ! (The bra not the boobage)
Farmchick said,
January 15, 2010 at 11:34 pm:
It looks like Ronald is really happy with you sitting on his lap.
Ali said,
January 17, 2010 at 3:49 am:
Babe!! This is amazing!!! A well deserved accolade!
Good luck with the duct tape!
xoxo
Pissy said,
January 17, 2010 at 10:43 pm:
This is so fabulous!
Just like that picture of you and Ronald.
Ann Milby said,
January 19, 2010 at 9:45 pm:
You go girl. Those were similiar to my dreams so long ago, now I am just happy if everyone remembers who I am. You will get there eventually.