I know it’s the new year and I’m supposed to evaluate my life and make resolutions of all the things I want to accomplish over the next 365 days. But we all know how that’s gonna end. I won’t do any of it. I’ll feel guilty about it and it will make me more grumpier than I already am. And I don’t need any help in the grumpy area. Just ask Rico.
So, I thought I would figure out all the bone headed things I did last year and vow not to repeat them.
1. I will not dye my hair red. Nor, will I cut it all off when the “oh crap, I look like a corpse with red hair” shock kicks in. I will not bleach it back and turn my hair into a bad scarecrow wig. I will not ignore my friends who say, “Don’t do it dumb ass.”
2. I will not get my feelings hurt when mentally challenged kids take one look at me and declare I am “one hot mess.”
3. I will not miss out on the Waffle House Romantic Redneck Valentine’s dinner. Yes, I will be partaking in some scattered, smothered, covered, diced, capped hash brown ambrosia. Nothing says love like eating enough grease to cause a coronary.
4. I will not be sasshaying across the floor during a construction job and almost cut my coochie off. Because I really need my coochie. Enough said.
5. I will not lease another vehicle this year or as long as I live. Especially when the vehicle gives me delusions of grandeur of being a sheik. Besides, all that sand has to eventually end up in your shorts.
6. I will not let my husband buy work vehicles without me and risk us all dying of tetanus.
7. I will not forget to take some Valium before I go to church with the kids on Easter Sunday.
8. I will not be boastful about my lawn mower.
9. I will not get road rage in Alabama.
10. I will not be a “bitch.”
Thanks for a great year peeps!