Today I went to the big city for a doctor’s appointment and since we were heading that way, we decided to go ahead and take the Sheik mobile back to the dealership since my lease is up at the end of the month. I admit to being a little sad when I drove off and left it there in the parking lot but I realize we’d come full circle with the whole sheik saga.
I mean, it’s only so long you can pretend to be a blond Middle Eastern oil baroness with a southern accent and a pasty white husband with a red and white table cloth on his head. People were starting to ask questions about the validity of our vast oil fortune, especially since they saw me buying my kids clothes at Wally World. Plus, Rico was really pushing the idea of an Arabic husband’s having more than one wife and I just can’t get along with that many people in my household at one time. Can you imagine all those woman in one house? You know their cycles would all synchronize and we do have guns in the house.
I’m just saying…
This time I am going American. I can pull that off much better. I do speak English,even though it is hard for foreigners to understand. And by foreigners, I mean anyone above the Mason-Dixon line. But if I speak slowly, they eventually get it.
It’s the new Yukon Denali for me. The standard redneck SUV of the south. And the dealerships don’t make promises they can’t keep except for maybe not filing bankruptcy, guaranteeing their warranty and keeping all their dealerships open. But I can live with that cause I know up front they aren’t gonna promise me fancy lattes and sheik mobile loaner cars during my service calls. They’re just gonna tell me to get my own friggin’ drink and wait until their done with my oil change. Ahhh, the American way.
On the way home, I noticed a store with all these pimp rims for my new Denali. And you know being all fabulous, I gotta have some pimp rims on my new ride.
But not only that, I noticed you can RENT some pimp rims….YES, YOU CAN!!!
For as low as $35 dollar a week, I can rent me some 20′s or better yet….SOME SPINNERS!!!!!!
I can just see it now, me in my tiara and EMO gloves…driving up to school in the morning to let my “GRRRRRR”-eatest daughter out in front of ALL her friends…sitting on DUBS???
I might even be blaring some Nelly.
I think it’s my ultimate revenge yet.
****ATTENTION ALL RICO SAUVE FANS: DUE TO AN OVERWHELMING RESPONSE TO MY DING DONG HUSBAND, I WILL BE HOSTING A Q&A WITH MY…UHHH…BETTER HALF.
WANT TO KNOW HOW HE SNAGGED SUCH A HOT WIFE? WANT TO KNOW HOW HE DEVELOPED SUCH HOME IMPROVEMENT SKILLS WITH DUCT TAPE? EVER WONDER IF HE SLEEPS WITH ONE EYE OPEN? WANT TO KNOW WHY HE HAS SUCH AN AVERSION TO PEAS?
NO QUESTION WILL BE LEFT UNANSWERED.
AMUSEMENT GUARANTEED.
SEND YOUR QUESTION HERE dejoni2003@yahoo.com ****
Kristen said,
June 3, 2009 at 10:06 pm:
Omg….your daughter would probably die right there in her seat!! Oh yeah…you know that regardless of what you drive it’s got to have rims and a sound system if you live in the south….I love it here!
larry carrico said,
June 3, 2009 at 10:53 pm:
Can you believe rent to own rims and tires. What an opportunity and great idea.
Lauren said,
June 4, 2009 at 12:52 am:
Dude! It’s totally like renting a sweet purse, but cooler. You should totally rent some for those ridiculous prices, it’s only the most economical way to go.
Tammy said,
June 4, 2009 at 5:35 am:
I wish I still dropped my kids off at school so I could totally copy – I mean – emulate you. Awesome plan.
WENDY said,
June 4, 2009 at 6:24 am:
I just followed you from Sitstas! and I have put you on my desktop to ensure that I will LOL at least once everyday!!! Thanks for the Morning Chuckle!
WORD!
Jen said,
June 4, 2009 at 6:59 am:
You are doing your part for the American auto industry. Brave woman you are.
Futureblackmail said,
June 4, 2009 at 7:02 am:
How do you even know the names of the rims??? 20′s/spinners…I’m impressed!
Kiki said,
June 4, 2009 at 8:19 am:
I have always wanted spinners. We have one of those rent places here. I am considering it. Does Rico have a tractor? Some spinners would class it up. My hubby has a basic lawn tractor that he rubs with a diaper. Take care.
-Kiki
AiredaleGirl said,
June 4, 2009 at 8:41 am:
Why is Weird Al’s “White and Nerdy” now infesting my consciousness?
Stevo said,
June 4, 2009 at 9:16 am:
Chevys ridin hot. I love a cute southern belle sitting on low pros. You gotta at least throw down with 24′s, tru cougar style.
azn8tive said,
June 4, 2009 at 10:07 am:
OMG – you are too funny and your daughter would just die if you did that. I know mine would.
Ronnica said,
June 4, 2009 at 11:08 am:
I can’t think of a classier place than Rent ‘n’ Roll…
Lecia said,
June 4, 2009 at 12:24 pm:
This post is frickin hilarious!!! Renting Rims… Blaring Nelly! Too funny!
Jen, buried with children said,
June 4, 2009 at 12:47 pm:
Oh you are going to be some Fabulous I can’t hardly stand it!
Jackie said,
June 4, 2009 at 12:52 pm:
Gotta say, I went to school in Louisiana – where the majority of my husbands family is from (I love them all!) and a good number of them also drive Yukons LOL! I love it “the standard redneck SUV of the south” And I am pretty sure one has hers pimpedout with 20s that you could apply your make up in. I think perhaps some Snoop-dog would also be appropriate for dropping off said “Grrr”-irl. Snoooooooooooo-oooop!
hotpants™ said,
June 4, 2009 at 2:20 pm:
You can rent rims?! I shouldn’t be surprised. I bet we have a similar place here.
Don’t forget to put some dice on your mirror.
justanotherdayinparadise said,
June 4, 2009 at 3:15 pm:
that’s just wrong. I wonder if we’re more or less redneck than you since we don’t have such a thing. . .hmm, what an enterprising opportunity for me. : )
Ali Holden said,
June 4, 2009 at 3:36 pm:
do nothing, I am on the next flight with my glue gun and some crystals. We will bling-up those bad boys just in time to pick up the skinny-dipper from camp.
Amber said,
June 4, 2009 at 5:41 pm:
Okay, I had no idea that you could even rent rims.
You learn something new everyday.
Laura said,
June 4, 2009 at 7:56 pm:
WOW! Oh America…renting rims to people who can’t even afford food for their children. Make that a double wow…
I think your daughter would freaking freak if you pulled up with that get-up! I am laughing hysterically at the image in my head!
Mercedes said,
June 4, 2009 at 11:07 pm:
I think you should rent them for at least one week. I want to hear about the stories of you dropping off your daughter blasting some nelly!
Jennifer @ It's A Beauty Filled Life said,
June 5, 2009 at 2:28 am:
LOL! Now that I know what ‘emo’ means (thanks for letting me know!), I can’t help but wish you would do this! I love when parents shock their pre-teens/teens…
Farmchick said,
June 5, 2009 at 7:06 am:
I think once again I am rendered speechless…..although, since we are friends you would think I was used to this kind of hilarity from you. I think the glue gun and crystals is a totally pimpin idea.
Rachel said,
June 5, 2009 at 8:39 am:
Rentin’ rims… who woulda thunk it!
Jill Scott said,
June 5, 2009 at 3:59 pm:
I am so looking forward to my girls being in middle school and dropping them off in some sort of embarrassing get-up. And of course, it will all be documented on my blog.
Ms. Mama said,
June 5, 2009 at 10:42 pm:
Here from SITS…..
Ready for the photo.
Kristen said,
June 6, 2009 at 11:40 pm:
I have something for you over at my blog!
http://yesiknowwhatcausesthat.blogspot.com/
Brittany said,
June 8, 2009 at 3:54 pm:
So what happens if you don’t pay? Do you wake up to find your SUV on blocks in your front yard?
Niki said,
June 9, 2009 at 12:48 pm:
Hi! I found you via SITS and I just wanted to say that your blog is crackin’ me up. Thanks for the laugh and I hope you have a good day.
Momisodes said,
June 9, 2009 at 2:00 pm:
Dude.
Tell me you got the spinners.
bward said,
June 9, 2009 at 2:28 pm:
What a concept. Look successful! People are retarded.
Tiffany said,
June 9, 2009 at 6:19 pm:
Love your blog!! Though I’m from California and don’t understand half of what you just said! LOL!!