Today I went to the big city for a doctor’s appointment and since we were heading that way, we decided to go ahead and take the Sheik mobile back to the dealership since my lease is up at the end of the month. I admit to being a little sad when I drove off and left it there in the parking lot but I realize we’d come full circle with the whole sheik saga.
I mean, it’s only so long you can pretend to be a blond Middle Eastern oil baroness with a southern accent and a pasty white husband with a red and white table cloth on his head. People were starting to ask questions about the validity of our vast oil fortune, especially since they saw me buying my kids clothes at Wally World. Plus, Rico was really pushing the idea of an Arabic husband’s having more than one wife and I just can’t get along with that many people in my household at one time. Can you imagine all those woman in one house? You know their cycles would all synchronize and we do have guns in the house.
I’m just saying…
This time I am going American. I can pull that off much better. I do speak English,even though it is hard for foreigners to understand. And by foreigners, I mean anyone above the Mason-Dixon line. But if I speak slowly, they eventually get it.
It’s the new Yukon Denali for me. The standard redneck SUV of the south. And the dealerships don’t make promises they can’t keep except for maybe not filing bankruptcy, guaranteeing their warranty and keeping all their dealerships open. But I can live with that cause I know up front they aren’t gonna promise me fancy lattes and sheik mobile loaner cars during my service calls. They’re just gonna tell me to get my own friggin’ drink and wait until their done with my oil change. Ahhh, the American way.
On the way home, I noticed a store with all these pimp rims for my new Denali. And you know being all fabulous, I gotta have some pimp rims on my new ride.
But not only that, I noticed you can RENT some pimp rims….YES, YOU CAN!!!
For as low as $35 dollar a week, I can rent me some 20′s or better yet….SOME SPINNERS!!!!!!
I can just see it now, me in my tiara and EMO gloves…driving up to school in the morning to let my “GRRRRRR”-eatest daughter out in front of ALL her friends…sitting on DUBS???
I might even be blaring some Nelly.
I think it’s my ultimate revenge yet.
****ATTENTION ALL RICO SAUVE FANS: DUE TO AN OVERWHELMING RESPONSE TO MY DING DONG HUSBAND, I WILL BE HOSTING A Q&A WITH MY…UHHH…BETTER HALF.
WANT TO KNOW HOW HE SNAGGED SUCH A HOT WIFE? WANT TO KNOW HOW HE DEVELOPED SUCH HOME IMPROVEMENT SKILLS WITH DUCT TAPE? EVER WONDER IF HE SLEEPS WITH ONE EYE OPEN? WANT TO KNOW WHY HE HAS SUCH AN AVERSION TO PEAS?
NO QUESTION WILL BE LEFT UNANSWERED.
SEND YOUR QUESTION HERE firstname.lastname@example.org ****