friends, holidays

What Every Redneck Woman Wants for Christmas

Farm Chick and I just had our Christmas get together. No children…no testosterone. Only girlie gossip…general complaining/man bashing…and present exchanging.

It was an evening full of laughter…trying to buy a life size burro from the Mexicans…and general good time.

Farm Chick presented me with this box…and I’m thinking she got me a box of fruit. And for all you people out there who don’t know…I hate fruit…HATE IT…ALL OF IT…unless it’s pureed and mixed with lots of liquor.

Anyhoo, I open the box…and tada! It’s a  redneck girl’s Christmas dream!!!!

A festive pitcher with matching glasses to get tanked…a hedge apple to keep the spiders away…and Astroglide for relations with my husband…cause sometimes spit just don’t do the trick!

(To the parents and in-laws…pretend the above sentence does not exist…you know your grandchildren were immaculately conceived.)

(To Rico…thank you for the rockin’ Sigma 10-20mm lense that I took these pics with…I guess sometimes bad girls do get presents from Santa!)

12 Comments so far
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  • http://wwwitsasmalltownlife.blogspot.com Farmchick

    You gift me with a wonderful scarf/glove combo trimmed with rabbit fur and I am handing out Astroglide….hmmmm. Toots already has glitter eyeshadow everywhere. I should have bought Ella that tube of red lipstick!

  • http://musingsfrompodunk.blogspot.com Lauren

    Astroglide! LOL I know what Santa is leaving in DH’s stocking this year! WOOHOO!!! Happy New Year at our house!

    (ps thanks for your nice comments on my Reading Grounds blog. I posted the link to my other one here, and have added you to my favorites. Again, love your style!)

  • http://planethotflash.blogspot.com/ Queen of Planet Hotflash

    Try the his and hers KY Jelly… um, yep
    anyways I love that pitcher and glass set
    hedge apple for spiders???? splain please
    Merry Christmas and many blessings to you and yours
    from me & mine

  • AiredaleGirl

    AHAHAHAHAHAHA. I love it. Perfect!

  • http://southernfriedmomma.com Dejoni

    Dearest Queen,
    Hedge apples are hard to find…but it’s true…if you place them around your house (closets, etc.), they keep spiders away.
    However, don’t do what I do and forget about them and let them rot.
    Not good…not good at all!

  • http://www.Momisodes.com Momisodes

    What a fabulous package! WAY better than fruit :) And she included lube? Now that’s is what you call a friend.

  • ivana clay

    Sounds to me like the best gift ever! :) Hope you all had a blessed Christmas and are looking forward to 2009!

  • pissy

    ok….I know what Astroglide is….but what the heck is a “hedge apple”?!?!? LOL

  • http://midwesternmamawithanewyorkheart@blogspot.com C

    ok, i see you know someone named todd. ok, i must pass this on to you and i hope you enjoy….
    repeat these sentences faster and faster every time you say them OUTLOUD. hopefully in the company of others. so they can hear ya. ready? ok, here goes;

    I am wee todd it.
    I am sofa king wee todd it.

    yeah, thats right.
    there ya go chickie…..
    ;) :0 :)

    C

  • http://midwesternmamawithanewyorkheart@blogspot.com C

    P.S.

    HAIL to da queen.

    :)

  • Pingback: Dearest C, » Southern Fried Momma

  • http://www.whentheworldstops.typepad.com Candace

    Love your post! Love your blog! I needed a laugh today, and the Astroglide description did the trick.