Back in the day when I was young, childless and carefree, I used to go to the grocery and cruise up and down the aisle casually. I wasn’t in any hurry ’cause I had all the time in the world. No one throwing eggs in the aisle…no one pooping when I forgot to bring diapers…no one opening the bag of Cheetos I had just put in the cart…no pitiful looks from all those snotty moms who have it all together.
Those were the days. I used to be so put together. Organized, energetic, well-coiffed, and snotty. I was the one at the grocery store that would look in disbelief because you brought your kid to the grocery looking straight out the homeless shelter. I knew you had money ’cause you were toting that Louis Vuitton…but your kid had on Goodwill rejects. How dare you…shame, shame, shame…everybody knows your name.
It all comes back to haunt you cause God has a sense of humor.
Today, I took my kids to town…in public…looking like trash. Oh, the horror…the inhumanity. I was exuding sexiness in my husband’s white tee (complete with yellow arm pit stains), black running shorts, Coach bag and pink flip flops…’cause PINK is my SIGNATURE color!
My youngest was in white dingy gray tee, stained with Spaghetti Oh’s and cherry Kool-Aid, Huggies bursting at the seams and barefoot. Her mouth was stained red from the nectar of toddlers and greasy from the waffle/butter/syrup combo from breakfast several hours ago, yet no one had wiped her mouth. Her fingernails were black, as were her feet. Her hair was sticky, sweaty and had a huge twist on the right from constant hair twirling.
She looked mah-ve-lous darhling. Sstraight out of Compton…straight out the trailer.
And the great thing about all of this? We saw people we knew. And they gave me that look….the look of pity, and disgust, and horror.
And you know what? I really didn’t give a crap.
Pissy said,
November 3, 2008 at 9:22 am:
Girl! That picture of Ella says it all!
Your description is just the icing on the cake.
…and you KNOW I know exactly what you’re talking about! LOL
Most importantly: I salute you for not caring what other people think!
Holla!
azn8tive said,
November 3, 2008 at 5:16 pm:
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
I still try to get away with running to the store in my grubbies and hope that I don’t run into anyone. Hah! It never fails. I usually run into my girlfriend, who never leaves the house unless she’s dressed to the nines and I’m sweaty and gross from mowing the yard.
BTW – love Ella’s expression. Singing away – flashing everyone in sight.
Queen of Planet HotFlash said,
November 4, 2008 at 8:24 am:
If Your happy who gives a shit what other people think, my kids would run outside in their underwear, barefoot in the dead of winter to get the mail or chase the dog who escaped the neighbors would all stare at me yelling at them that they would freeze their hinney’s off but I wouldn’t go out and get them… IT was cold as hell out there!
AiredaleGirl said,
November 4, 2008 at 11:25 am:
Oh, Deej, when Mom had that heart attack last year I suddenly realized: I don’t give a flying rat’s patoot what anybody in Greensburg, Campbellsville, or Anywhere thinks about what I look like in public. If I’m in the Campbellsville WalMart, it’s because I’m on a Mission from God to buy toilet paper and dog food for Harry and Ann- and anybody who doesn’t like it can just get over themselves!
Laura said,
November 4, 2008 at 2:04 pm:
Girl — you are SO not alone. Your blog made me laugh til there were tears…..cause I am so that girl too!! I am glad there are others out there like me
jessica ferguson said,
November 5, 2008 at 2:45 pm:
This has got to be the funniest website I have every seen, I do not know how you find the time to do it. Its just great.