A Turd in the Punch Bowl

Just some random thoughts…

1. My husband did karaoke to the “Oh, Brother Where Art Thou” theme song last weekend. He looked like a turd in a punch bowl in his Izod sweater. You can’t impersonate George Clooney as Everett if you have no hair for your Dapper Dan and you ain’t wearing a pair of Pointer overalls. Can you pull off bluegrass in country club attire? No, you can’t.

2. Who thought of putting ketchup in beans? I made a big pot of northern beans and ham. Good soul food. My husband then decided it needed ketchup. Ketchup? In beans? Isn’t that a southern sin? About the same level as Neil Young singing “Sweet Home Alabama?”

I say it’s wrong…and I’m the queen.

3. I’m getting my hair did tomorrow. I’m feeling a little frisky.

Should I go red? Stay blond? Go short? Stay long?

I do not like green eggs and ham. Sam I am.

4. Is vile farts genetic? How does a two year old know it’s funny? Is it a maternal or paternal trait? Do I come from a long line of flatulence? Is this the legacy I’m leaving to my kids?

5. Do I really need to see feminine hygiene commercials? I mean, will I really feel like a fresh, summer rain? Do I want to smell like a fresh, summer rain? Will it be life changing as the commercial implies?

Generations before me did not smell like Summer’s Eve and I don’t think I want to either.

6. I am cutting back on expenses. Thanks to the IRS and the crappy economy, I have been brown bagging it to work for two weeks. Will I have some kind of psychotic episode if I go so long without grease and fast food? I know it’s really bad for you but I think trans fats make my brain work. Will my body shut down and go into withdrawals? I think healthy eating has a direct link to living a shorter life span.

7. We had a “scare” on a local college campus. Someone reported a seeing a man with a gun. Luckily, it was a false report. I don’t know about you but the only thing I was worried about in college was who was having a party the for the weekend and how mad my parents were gonna be when they saw my grades. Kids are stupid these days.

8. Ya’ll know Ella has a sleeping problem. Problem is putting it mildly. She don’t sleep. Well, Friday we are going to see a pediatric sleep specialist. Who knew? Are they gonna tell me I’m just gonna have to deal with it and there’s nothing they can do? Will I end up on the psych floor due to sleep deprivation? Can you die from sleep deprivation?

9. Is the reason I haven’t won the lottery is cause God knows how much I’d spend on Botox and Restylane? Is he saving me from myself so I don’t end up like that crazy woman in NYC that looks like a cat from so many botched procedures?

10.I know I’m rambling…but it’s my blog and I can ramble if I want too.

SFM