I know these days we are supposed to be “environmentally friendly.” I know I should do more to keep our Earth clean and green. I try to be conscious in my choices but I can tell you this…it might have been easy for Kermit to be green but it ain’t so easy for me.
First of all, I drive a big, stinking SUV. I love it. I hate the fuel economy that it gets but I love the fact that it’s big enough to hold it’s own on the road and I can buy a ton of crap at Walmart and know that I can get it home. Yes, I could get a hybrid SUV…and I will…but not til the price comes down to justify the outrageous difference in the cost. Plus, those little Wii cars will not take the impact of a semi that the Rover will. Does the Wii car have the capability of driving across the Sahara? NOOO! But my Rover does and if I ever find myself in a desert I know I will be able to drive out and find a 5 star hotel with a pool.
Second, I live in a very rural area. My garbage man does not pick up sorted boxes/bags of recycled material. He does good to pick up my regular old trash and half the time he leaves me nasty notes like….”Please limit your trash to 3 bags.” 3 BAGS??? I have two adults and two kids in this house…we have 3 BAGS a day. I kid you not. How do I eliminate my garbage to 3 bags? I’ll tell you how…I buy those gigantic contractor bags. You know the ones big enough for a couple bodies..and fill ‘er full. When I’m feeling exceptionally bitchy, I throw in a couple dead skunk carcasses my husband has destroyed. I know I’m his favorite customer.
My hair spray consumption alone has caused a huge hole in the ozone layer. It started back in the day with Aqua Net…remember the pink can? I now use a little less “white trash” brand but none the less, I use a lot. All those thermal pictures of the ozone layer you see on TV with a huge hole?. You can blame it on me. You see, it started getting progressively worse around 1985 and that’s when I started using a can every two day. Yes, every two days. You White Rain girls are just as bad… you just won’t admit it. Yankees.
My house is lit up like the Rockefeller’s live here. I love my big country porch and have beautiful lighted ceiling fans. They are so pretty at night…along with the small lamps in my front porch window….and the spotlight on my fountain…and every light on in the house. Yes, my meter goes round and round like a tilt-a-whirl and I’m killing our natural resources…but man, my house looks good.
I use commercial diapers. I know everyone is getting on the bandwagon and using cloth diapers. But honestly, I can’t do it. The crap that comes out of my kids butt is bad enough when I have to wrap it up in that diaper and pack it to the trash…I can’t imagine putting it in my washing machine. My nice, clean washing machine. Again, I live in a rural area…no diaper services here. it’s just the good old garbage man…and he loves my stinky diapers.
Our water consumption would fill Lake Mead. I know they’re going dry out there…and I hate it. if I could just get my husband and daughter to limit their showers from 45 minutes to 15…the world would be in a much better shape. I swear…how do you stay in the bath that long? My husband sits in the shower every morning for 30 minutes before he can utter a complete, coherent sentence. The man has issues. And Ray Ray…she thinks the jacuzzi garden tub is her personal pool.
I know we should be doing more…and I’m gonna try…even if that means giving up slowing down on the hairspray and turning off eliminating some lights..
