America’s Most Wanted

Foo-Man-Chu!

Foo-Man-Choo!!

Every time we go on vacay, Rico decides to get a little lax in the hygiene department. He still bathes and all…but totally throws out the razor.  I guess since he has to shave and wear a suit and tie everyday, it’s freeing just let go. It drives me nuts. I like to be free too…but you don’t see me giving up shaving my pits.

He spent the whole week in Gulf Shores following me around looking like this. I wouldn’t let him walk with me ’cause he looked like a fugitive…or that gay cowboy from the Village People. 

My husband is as square as white bread.  Why he decides to go all “macho mustache” on me, I just don’t understand. It’s just bad for my image.

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Cook in Style! CONTEST!! CONTEST!!

 I found this fabulous apron at an Etsy store called Comfortably Crazy. It’s so chic…like me. I look fantabulous wearing it…and you can too.
Just post a comment on why you will be the hottest chick on the block in this fab, retro apron and I just may bestow one on you.
Being bestowed is a huge honor in the South…kinda like being knighted.
So, if you wanna get bestowed an apron, post on.  If not, be that way.
Ya’ll should feel lucky I’m just gonna hand one of these babies out. I gave one to Farm Chick but she had to take care of my baby chicks for two weeks and to clean their buttholes everyday.
Being my friend…it ain’t always easy.
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Why I Hate the Outdoor Channel

Stop the Insanity!

Stop the Insanity!

This is the reason I hate the Outdoor Channel…well, one of many reasons.

If I wanted to watch animals get it on…I’d watch the Discovery Channel.

Please sign my attached petition to ban the Outdoor Channel from all American homes.  Let’s stop the insanity before it reaches another generation.
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My Philosophy on Life

My New Philosophy

My New Philosophy

On my recent trip to Gulf Shores, we dined one evening at Lulu’s. Lulu’s is owned by Jimmy Buffett’s sister, Lucy. It seems that the “laid back life on the sea” runs in the family.

I am insanely jealous and wish they would adopt me.

I bought this t-shirt for my husband…it is the closest thing to my philosophy on life.

Here is Peet’s Philosophy…

1. Read often, including the classics.

2. Accept everyone for who they are, not what they do.

3. Be well travelled.

4. Learn to be a listener.

5. Live by the sea.

6. Listen to your spirit and find joy.

7. Education, like money, doesn’t make you happy-but it sure helps.

8. Love and Family are the best things we have.

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What You Lookin’ at Willis?

What the?

What the?

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My Husband Loves Me for My Ear Wax?

As some of ya’ll know, I quit smoking Christmas Day. It’s a nasty habit and I am glad I gave it up. However, my oral fixation has moved from puffing on Marlboro’s to shoveling food (mainly sweets) into my face at neck breaking speed. The pounds are piling on and my clothes are getting tighter and tighter.

 If you really want to know who your true friends are, ask them “Do I need to lose some weight?” If they reply, “Maybe 10 pounds…but no more than that” they’re true friends. True girlfriends are bitchy like that. Ha!

Anyhoo, I was talking to Rico about how I needed to lose weight and how miserable I felt when my clothes were so tight..yada, yada, yada. You know, we’ve all had that talk. He says, “Honey, you look so good…I like you with a little meat on your bones”…etc.  He knows where his bread is buttered.  When I mention that being a little heavy doesn’t make me feel sexy, he replies, “It’s not what you look like that makes me love you..it’s what’s between your ears.”

So, now I know. He loves me for my ear wax. When I quized him about this in my witty, sarcastic tone he informed me that “Yes, it’s true. I love you for your ear wax. I  lie awake at night secretly waiting to clean the wax out of your ears…you caught me.”

I knew there was a reason I never had ear wax. I just always thought it was from using too much hair spray. Sometimes the truth is just more than you want to think about.

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And the Winnah Is…..

Yummy Southern Recipes!
Yummy Southern Recipes!

Drum roll, please!

And the winnah is…The girls from blindpigandtheacorn.com and azn8tive.blogspot.com (Girls, send me your mailing address and I’ll get it out to you at the first of the week.)
Thanks for all your comments. I really enjoyed reading them.
Be sure and check in next week for another fabulous prize.
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It Ain’t Vacation If You Bring The Kids!

Too Cool for the Pool

Too Cool for the Pool

Since school starts in two weeks, I had a moment of weakness and decided to bring the kids to the beach for a couple of days. I had been reminiscing about all those fabulous family vacations at the shore I had as a child…playing in the sand, riding the waves, eating saltwater taffy and buying airbrushed t-shirts. Good times.

So we pack the SUV…bring plenty of Barney movies, snacks, juice, earplugs and nerve pills for me…even brought a babysitter to help . I have been here less than 48 hours and I am ready to go home.
The normally 9 hour drive took 12 because Rachel tried to use the bathroom at every McDonald’s between home and Gulf Shores thinking if we stop to pee…we can eat too. Thus Ella’s new word is “french fries.”
We finally arrive and go to dinner. Ella has had a good day but had saved her meltdown for the restaurant. I leave with her and walk home to the condo. She refuses to sleep and keeps us all up to 2 a.m.
You’d think that she would at least sleep in…NO! ‘Cause God has a sense of humor and he wants to remind me on a daily basis of why I don’t need anymore children. She gets up at 6:47. Why 6:47? Because she gets up EVERY DAY AT 6:47. No matter what time zone. No matter what time she goes to bed.
On top of all this, my oldest child’s flatulence has reached an all time odor level. The kid has problems. If she keeps this up, she will never get a man. It will not only burn the hair out of your nose but will make your eyes water. I don’t get Botox for the wrinkles in my forehead from aging…it’s from wrinkling my nose from the smell of that dang gas.
There is no need for sunscreen…as I have yet to be in the sun longer than an hour.
I hope someday my kids look back on these vacations and remember the “good” times.
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Man Heaven

There is a place here on earth known as “Man Heaven.” I know this to be true…’cause I have seen it with my own eyes.

America’s finest come to a little remote place down in the Mississippi Delta for tactical range training. Navy Seals…Army Rangers…Secret Service…FBI…the biggest and the baddest…in one small place…with no women…except if you happen to know some of the instructors like I do!

sharp shooter

Several years ago, I got divorced. It was a hard time, but I have good friends. Good friends who introduce me to places that train guys like this….

Yeah, I know, I have some good friends.
But now those good friends don’t take ME anymore. They take my husband….who says to me when I BEG to go, “We’re gonna be the only guys here.
Imagine my disgust when Rico calls and says the place is PACKED…with 23year olds…all muscled up and tattooed out…shirts off…sweating in the sweltering Mississippi sun.
He acted disgusted when I asked if he would take some pictures. I do need them…for IMPORTANT BLOGGIN’ BUSINESS! BWAHAHAHA!
So, here I am with two kids while Rico is playing Rambo…and I can’t even sit on the sidelines and enjoy the eye candy.

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My First Giveaway!!!!

My fabulous friend, Farm Chick over at It’s a Small Town Life, sent me this great cookbook a couple of months ago…’cause she’s just that kind of girlfriend.

Anyhoo, I have enjoyed it so much…especially the front cover. It just looks so fabulous in my kitchen and it has some great southern recipes.

To enter the contest, leave a comment about your favorite southern dessert ( or any dessert) from your childhood. Was it homemade ice cream? Your grandmother’s Jam Cake? Do you have your grandmother’s secret recipe and refuse to share it with the rest of the family?

My favorite? That’s really hard ’cause I have SO many. I guess one that really sticks out in my mind is my mom’s Red Velvet Cake….oh, and then there’s my Aunt Joann’s chocolate fudge…and iron skillet chocolate pie.

Don’t worry…you can leave more than one.

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