Whiskey Barrels

My mom drinks so much whiskey that she has it shipped over from the distillery in these cool barrels. Just kidding, Saint Wanda!
She really doesn’t drink whiskey but she did buy me this cool whiskey barrel from one of the distillers.
She’s making hers into some kind of rain catcher to water her flowers. I’m just gonna stick mine out between these trees cause I think it looks kinda cool…and so when the neighbors or my friends ask me about it, I can tell them my mom’s a drunk! HA!
I know, Mom, it’s not funny.

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Sweet Ella has not slept more than 20 nights her whole life. The kid just won’t sleep. She’s my little insomniac.
The first 14 months of her life, she was up approximately six times a night sucking on a bottle…and the pediatrician wondered why she weighed 30 lbs? I would have given the kid a bottle of Pepsi if she’d slept.
We tried it all. Cereal in the bottle. Late night feedings. Reflux medicine. Warm milk. Noise machines. Classical music.
At 14 months, we finally caved and tried the Ferber method. It was harsh for four nights. But for the next four months, she slept like a dream. Wonderful, peaceful sleep. Our prayers had been answered.
Then it returned with a vengeance. It started at first with the whining…then crying….then in a couple of days…flat out wailing and flogging. It’s horrendous. Tonight it lasted for 2 hours. Then she’s up at least once during the night for juice.
I can’t take this much longer. I’m old and my nerves are frazzled. Why has she started not sleeping again? What can I do to stop the tantrums?
I know I am being paid back for some bad juju…so all you haters out there, keep laughing. Just remember, what comes around, goes around.
If any of you have any suggestions besides duct tape, please let me know. I’m desperate, brain dead, and sleepy.

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Fountain…What We’re We Thinking?

OK. So, as most of you know by now, we spent most of the day yesterday searching for a fountain. Well, as you can see it will not fit in the area above so now the project got much bigger. It also is gonna take much longer cause the concrete is bare and it needs to be stained and sealed…and from what I hear this is a long, detailed process.
I know this doesn’t sound like a big deal to most of you but it ain’t like we’ve got nothing else going on. I work. My husband has a high level stressful job. We have two energetic (i.e. hyper) kids. We are smack dab in the middle of building a new office. We’ve got some rental property that one stupid tenant decided not to pay rent for three months and when we got pissed off about it and told them to get out…they decided to punch holes in the walls, destroy the carpet, and spray paint the brick. Yeah, we’re slum lords.
So, that place has to be gutted and redone. Which would be no big deal if we could afford to hire it all done…but we do the work ourselves for the most part. Yes ladies…I can swing a hammer.
Then there’s farm work that needs to be done. And to top it all off, I’ve decided to get a whole batch of baby chicks. What the?
We like chaos around here. The more projects we have going on the better.

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Smarty Pants

Rico Sauve is Mr. SmartyPants. He’s really smart but I don’t tell him too often cause it goes to his head. He knows all kinds of useless smart stuff like how much a gallon of milk weighs and Pythagorean’s theorem. He was in the gifted program at school and went to the National Problem Solving Championship in middle school. Code for riding the short bus.
All this smart stuff makes him look important at the mall when he can undo the horseshoe puzzle…you know, the two horseshoes joined together with a chain and a ring? Well, Mr. SmartyPants can solve it much to the delight of the little old ladies in the store. They all swoon and fuss over him and he eats it up.
My husband…he can do a little dance in his little smarty pants.

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Don’t Touch David or His Parts

Every time I decide to begin a weekend project, it starts out as one thing and ends up being something totally different. I decided to change a little landscaping…so I called up Cole Clark from Cole’s Landscaping to get some ideas on some plants. He gave me some great ideas and I bought some plants to redo the area outside my side porch.
This morning I decided to get started planting these new plants. I asked my husband to help me reshape the area cause it’s a little asymmetrical and it’s bugged me ever since we first landscaped it. Well, while we are reshaping it and placing the new plants where we want them, my husband thought it would be a good idea to put in one of those fountains. Great idea, I say. So, we pack up the kiddos and off to Lowe’s we go.
They have fountains there…but they’re not manly enough. We need a huge, manly fountain, my husband says. You know, one of those massive concrete things.
We arrive at the concrete place and are greeted by this man, I’ll call him “Stoner” if you know what I mean. He had every type of concrete object you could imagine…alligators, grim reapers, urns, benches, dogs, Michelangelo’s Statue of David and big roosters. Ding Dang Ya’ll, you know I got excited about the big rooster and wanted to take a picture. So I asked Mr. Stoner Dude if I could take a picture of his big rooster and he said, “Yes, you sure can…I’ll even let you take a picture of David as long as you promise not to touch his parts…everyone’s always wanting to touch his parts.”
Only in Kentucky…

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Secret Agent Man…a.k.a. Rooster

This is Secret Agent Man, Farm Chick’s husband. He’s the one that I ordered all thirty of those chickens for. Well, they’re here…and he doesn’t think I’m too funny. I think I’m hilarious.
Thirty funky chickens arrived at his house this week and the hatchery threw in five roosters for the hell of it. All the hens have big plumes on their heads. They are so funny looking.
Farm Chick is now the expert on chicken raisin’ so she is keeping them for the first week for me. I’m gonna attempt to keep them alive from then on. Since I have never been around a chicken before other than in the meat department at the local grocery store and Lee’s Famous Recipe, this is gonna be a learning experience. I will be sure to keep you’ll informed cause it’ll be very entertaining.

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My Two New Favorite Things

Yesterday, my hubby and I got to spend the whole day alone together in the big city. We got to goof off and do silly things like get massages from those Chinese dudes at the mall kiosk. I don’t recommend these…they’re not very relaxing. Those little suckers are strong and will almost kill you with their little hands. We both were moaning and groaning…and not in a good way. I kept telling this dude that he was hurting me. He would say, “You hurt?” and then proceed to rub and pull harder. Honestly, I took a Loratab when I got finished.
After the torture treatment, we did a little shopping. I found these fabulous hoochie mama heels at a little store called Bakers. I don’t know how often I’m gonna get to wear them…it’s not like I’m clubbin’ much these days…but I’m saving them just in case.
I also got this product from Sephora called Fresh High Noon Freshface Glow. I had previously gotten a sample of it there and fell in love. It’s a very lightweight tinted moisturizer that is perfect to wear on those days you really don’t want to wear makeup to the grocery store but if don’t wear something you will scare the bejesus out of everyone. It gives your face just the right amount of coverage and makes you look all dewy and fresh. And anything that makes me look dewy and fresh I will buy by the gallon.

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Puppy Love

Ella loves Tuffy…or as she calls him “Duddy.” Tuffy is kind of indifferent to Ella unless she has food then they are fast friends.
For those of you who don’t know, Tuff is a little “Jack McFarland”, if you get my drift. I mean, the dog enjoys taking a bath with pumpkin shampoo from the Bath & Body store. A normal heterosexual dog would immediately roll in a cow pie after having a bath in such a fragrance…but not “Duddy.” He goes out and smells the roses.
Here in this picture, Ella is loving on Tuff and he’s all like “Don’t mess my freshly coiffed pumpkin hairdo.”

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Happy Camper

You see this sweet little face? This it right before she left for church camp on Sunday. As I was looking through the lens of the camera, I thought I saw some apprehension, some dread in leaving momma.
Well, I was wrong. Not only did she leave without a wave goodbye, I haven’t heard from her all week. Not ONE word.
It’s the beginning of the end. She’s growing up.

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Cookies and Cream Fudge

My husband called me the other morning and said, “You gotta call Ms. Bonnie (Ella’s babysitter), she made this fudge stuff with Oreo cookies and it was good…real good.”
Now, Ms. Bonnie has never made anything that tasted bad so I called her up and begged for the recipe.
Well people, Rico Sauve was right. It’s good…real good.
I’d like to take credit for this recipe, but it’s Ms. Bonnie’s. ALL HAIL MS. BONNIE for this FAT-FREE fudge recipe. A girl can dream can’t she?

Cookie and Cream Fudge

18 oz. white chocolate chips (1 1/2 pkgs.)
1 can sweet condensed milk
1/8 tsp. salt
20 Oreo cookies-crushed

In a heavy saucepan on low heat, add condensed milk and white chocolate chips. Heat until melted. Dump in cookies.
Pour into 8 inch pan lined with aluminum foil and refrigerate at least 2 hours.
Remove from refrigerator and dump out of pan. Slice into squares. Store at room temperature.

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